Some people won’t like what I’m about to say, but here’s my definition of self-love:
It’s holding yourself to a higher standard than anybody else ever will—because you want the best possible outcome for you.
Too often, under the banner of “self-love,” we see choices that are really just self-sabotage. YOLO nights out, gluttony disguised as “treating yourself,” overindulgence framed as “you deserve it.” These aren’t acts of love. They’re acts that set you up for regret, pain, and consequences your future self will have to clean up.
Becoming Your Future Self
To attract the reality you want, you have to become that person of your future.
You have to fall in love with your future.
You have to live it now.
Because who you be, you eventually become.
Every decision you make today is inherited by the future version of you. And if you keep cashing in on cheap dopamine now, you’ll eventually wake up buried under the cost of all those “self-love” choices.
The Truth About Real Self-Love
Real self-love is delayed gratification. It’s restraint. It’s pausing before giving in to the instant hit and asking: Will this serve the person I want to become?
When I look back, I don’t celebrate the times I gave in to hedonism. I celebrate the times I practiced restraint. Restraint gave me peace. It meant I didn’t wake up with shame, guilt, regret, or the mess of bad decisions to clean up.
Every time you practice restraint, you’re honouring your future self. That’s love.
Self-Love and Discipline
As the late strength coach Charles Poliquin wrote in The Myth of Discipline, Let Love Be Your Driving Force:
“There is no such thing as discipline. There is only love. Love is the most powerful creative force in the universe. You are the result of what you love most.”
You don’t fail because you lack discipline—you fail because of what you love most in the moment. You either love donuts more than abs, or you love strength more than comfort food.
Self-esteem grows when your choices align with what you truly love. If you really love your body, you’ll choose squats over leg extensions, water with lime over bread and butter, berries over brownies.
When faced with tough decisions, ask yourself: If a loving, knowledgeable expert were guiding me right now, what would they recommend? That’s what true self-love looks like in action.
The Lie That Steals Your Life
Here’s the kicker: the very thing you think is giving you “self-love” is actually robbing you of life itself.
The human body is the only place you have to live in. When you stuff it with processed food-like substances in the name of “loving yourself,” you’re not nourishing yourself—you’re sabotaging yourself. You’re blunting your senses, dulling your energy, muting your experience of life.
When you lead a healthy life, life touches you differently. Your body becomes a vessel capable of joy, energy, vitality. You participate fully—because you look good, feel good, and perform good.
What’s the point of having legs if you can’t hike, walk, or run because of pain or excess weight? What’s the point of owning a life if you’re too drained, too uncomfortable, or too self-conscious to leave the house and live it?
Love That Elevates
“Self-love” isn’t about giving yourself excuses to stay the same. It’s not about choosing what feels good in the moment at the expense of what you want most.
It’s about demanding more of yourself—because you know you’re worth it. If you’re truly content with where you are, then stay there. But if you crave more—more freedom, vitality, strength, and possibility—then you owe it to yourself to rise above the comfort choices disguised as “self-love.”
When you finally see the difference, everything shifts.
Self-sabotage is choosing what feels good now at the cost of what you want most.
Real self-love is choosing in favor of your future—even when it’s uncomfortable in the moment.
True self-love doesn’t keep you as you are—it elevates you to demand the future you truly deserve.
